In honor of one of my favorite shows to have ever aired, I bring you the Festivus post! A huge fan of Seinfeld, I was raised to recognize this magical day . . . 15 years later we celebrate a decade and a half of playful consumer resistance and a Festivus For The Rest Of Us!
In honor of this magical day, I would like to share, for any of you who may not already know, the Festivus Experience. It’s first important to explain exactly why Festivus was created to begin with . . . . Please See Below.
I will now begin by explaining the customary practices of the holiday followed by a YouTube link to the episode so that you may fully understand the amazingness that is Festivus in it’s entirety. I will explain with some hilarious GIFS (I love GIFS if you haven’t caught on yet by now) and then conclude with my own Airing of Grievances. . . . I can hardly wait. Lets do it then, Festivus is BACK!
When Is Festivus: Held on December 23rd.
Festivus Pole: The tradition of Festivus begins with the display of an aluminum pole. (Great Strength:Weight Ratio). The Pole is to be displayed unadorned. The pole was chosen for it’s opposition to highly commercialized and decorated Christmas Trees. . . Also because the patron of Festivus, Frank Costanza finds “tinsel distracting” and sees the Pole as “very low maintenance”.
The Festivus Dinner: A celebratory dinner in which some sort of meatloaf is served alongside a spaghetti paired with a mystery red sauce to those guests participating in the tradition. No alcohol is served during the meal. The meal is held on the evening of Festivus.
The Airing of Grievances: The celebration of Festivus starts with the “Airing of Grievances” which begins immediately after the meal has been served. Each Festivus participant explains to all friends and family the instances in which they have disappointed him or her that year.
Feats of Strength: The final tradition held in observance of the celebration of Festivus, the Feats of Stength are held immediately following (or sometimes during) the Dinner. The head of household selects a guest in which he would like to challenge to the Feats of Strength otherwise known as a wrestling match. The tradition states that Festivus will only end once the head of household has been defeated. It should be noted that the participant selected can decline the invitation (only if he has something else better to do). Failure to pin the head of household results in the event of Festivus continuing until said requirement is met.
Festivus Miracles: Events that Cosmo Kramer declares Festivus Miracles. . . . Typically events that are clearly explainable and in hindsight, not miraculous.
Below is the link to some of the most important moments of “The Strike” Seinfeld episode which clearly explains the fantastic holiday at hand. . . . Other important moments in the episode to note are George Costanza’s charitable “donation” to The Human Fund – Money For People (A fake charitable contribution he made in his co-worker’s names in which he has to back up by asking his Boss to join him at Festivus), and Cosmo’s strike at the bagel shop. Festivus YES! Bagels NO!
The Strike: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F73sMmb6CS0
So in closing. I would like to wrap this holiday up with airing my own grievances. . . to my family of course. Paige, PLEASE swallow your food. Chewing one piece of chicken for over 30 minutes isn’t a productive way to ensure gaining weight. You’re a preemie and Mommy worries. I know it’s on rare occasion but seriously, you have NO problem swallowing an Oreo. Lets just get past this. Pj, PLEASE stop throwing your dirty ass socks around the living room like it’s New Years Eve. I love you but I want to punch you in the face wearing a dirty sock puppet. . . .something resembling this exact puppet (Please See Below). Nice work by the way, I’m sure your work skit partners felt the puppet was a true depiction of self. I do adore you for things like this photo though, true love can’t even compare! ♥
He’s going to KILL me for posting this photo . . . #oooops?
Baxter (Our Dog), PLEASE refrain from sleeping in the closet like a weirdo so much, it makes me nervous that you’re so awkward. We love you, stop hiding from it. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Roll around in it as if we were the dirty worms in our yard that you enjoy so much. Myself, seriously PLEASE chill the F out. Life is not a play, you are not the director, and as much as you would like to think you’re in control, you’re not. Everything happens for a reason. Get over it. Life is Great!
I appreciate the time you’ve all taken to read up on the Festivus tradition and by the time I post this, you’ll have all but 30 minutes left to celebrate. My apologies for my typical procrastination. (Another Grievance). Enjoy the holiday and please, let me know your own grievances and how you celebrate Festivus!!
♥ – C