Bracketology Is NOT A Science *

Today I would like to share with you the science behind Bracketology. For any of you that may participate in the chaos that is the NCAA’s “March Madness”, or for those of you who just stand by and watch the men in your life go absolutely ape-shit over a meaningless month of basketball. . . let me be the first to tell you: it’s futile-silly-&-stupid. BUT this year –THIS YEAR– it could be worth a BILLION dollars. SO in that case, let’s go over a few pointers.


I take part in the study of “Bracketology” ever spring. It’s a fruitless endeavor for me, never actually capturing a win. As I type this, I’m actually considering the fact that I’m last person worthy of soliciting such advice. . . . then I remember; even the victorious has not a F’ing clue how they got there. March Madness is for EVERYONE. Seriously. You don’t have to follow the sport of college basketball – you can seriously be as dumb as a cat and pick your teams. Don’t believe me? Look:

Screen Shot 2014-03-18 at 4.14.36 PMSeriously though, if you want to see how the cat picks end up follow along here. It’s not a science, it’s not a study. Studying the act of chance is like T-Rex attempting to row a boat. It’s completely irrelevant in the world of luck. So how, may you ask, are we going to achieve anything by studying? Well, my friends. . . . a few facts that can help you in the game of brackets:

  1. There are 64 Teams, 32 predictions and 1:9,223,372,036,854,775,808 chances of getting a perfect bracket. In other words, #GoodLuckWinningABillion.
  2. Teams are seeded based on their season standings 16-1 in each conference. 1 = the best. #Duh.
  3. “Upsets” are when a lower seeded team beats a higher seeded team. Some people try to predict upsets but your safest bet is staying inside the chalk AKA 1 beats a 2, 8 beats an 11, 14 beats a 16, etc.
  4. If you are a female playing in a mainly male dominant bracket pool, pick a few “upsets” in the first round. Sure you might be wrong but if you pick purely on seed you’re throwing yourself to the wolves. Be a little gutsy . . . AKA stupid. Men surely are and they somehow find you to be “sports smart” when going against the odds? #ThisDefiesAllLogic. #MenAreStupid. Just be sure to keep upsets in your first round as these games are worth fewer points if you’re wrong- (See Rule 6 Below).
  5. A #16 team has never knocked out a #1 team. #Ever. So don’t go getting all Cinderella Story. It’s all about probability and then again, total chance. But no, not every matchup is 50:50 so be realistic.
  6. Scoring Points Are (Typically) As Follows: First Round (1) – Second Round (2) – Sweet Sixteen (4) – Elite Eight (8) – Final Four (16) – National Champion (32)
  7. You CAN and should pick teams based on if you like the coach’s hair.
  8. You are allowed to pick outcomes based on team mascot. I prefer the Georgetown Bulldog over the Florida Gator. #JustSaying #ImADogPerson
  9. It’s ok to cheat- if that’s what you want to call it. I spend hours and hours “researching” other sport analyst’s brackets and then turn around and use that shit to create my own work of art. Some guy thinks that Gonzaga’s a worthy upset? This team injured their best player? Some big-shot at Bleacher Report feels Baylor’s offense is more reputable than Wisconsin’s forward? (What’s a forward?) ESPN is calling for the Spartans? SURE, Why not? #SeeWhatIMean. #NoIdea.
  10. If all else fails just flip a coin.
  11. Pick teams you like. If you graduated from Florida I’m not going to be surprised if you have them going ALL THE WAY. It’s all for fun!

But seriously, in the world of sports, nothing is certain. Brackets around the world will be filled out time and again this week and nobody -no really- nobody will have any idea of what to expect until the clock starts ticking down.

A few helpful sites to check out are:

Deciding how to run an office bracket? Tips and Tricks HERE.

For anything and everything you could possibly need to know about college basketball click HERE.

How to Legally Win a Billion Dollars From Warren Buffet – The real life details and breakdown of this billion dollar bracket found HERE.

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Above is a sample of my personal bracket that I submitted not only to my annual ESPN Pool (Friends & Gambling), but also to the Quicken Loans Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge. Hey, everyone deserves a chance at a billion bucks! Plus it’s free so why wouldn’t you at least try? Cats can do it, so can you! #DontTakeMyPicksBitches! While I had a few minor upsets, I chose my teams mainly on outside predictions and personal interest. Again, I have no chance in hell but this shit is fun. Not to mention, I’m from Michigan and nothing would be better then a MSU vs. UofM brawl for the national title. #ShitWouldBeCray. I also decided on the name “#WakeMeWhenIWinABillion”. Hashtag, for the win!

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So if you’re at all interested in getting in on that office pool, gambling with the boys or just want to have a better understanding of how it is that March Madness has taken on such an absurd following, I will be here all spring to answer any and all questions! While I’m no expert, neither is the next guy! #Truth. OH and to get in on the Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge click on the link above or visit by clicking the photo below. FYI: I charge a 10% referral fee or a small yacht if any of you win. Your choice, Probs cheaper to get me the yacht. #JustSayin.

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Do any of you take part in March Madness? What is some of your best advice or questions? Share in the comments!


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