So it’s been a weird 24 hours, not to mention past few weeks. Regardless, I need to get back to confessions. Like a whore out of church (it’s a metaphor people!!!), I’ve found my way back to the light and am ready to get a few things off my chest. . . .
1. I recently found myself in between jobs. I’m starting a new position in the next few weeks but in the mean time, I’m trying to perfect my skills as a house wife. It’s not going well:
Laundry. It’s just not my thing. As I mentioned before, I will wash it all day but once that’s complete. . . .well you get the point. #FoldingIsForFools. While I have stepped up my game in other areas, my husband has publicly declared I’m not fit to be a Stepford. #CryingInside.
2. I woke up on the couch last night to an alarming and confusing update from my WordPress account:
What the hell is going on? I confess, while I was seriously confused I was incredibly excited. . . . Oh, and it got better too:
My graphs were totally out of control! It happened in a matter of hours. THEN it hit me, for the first time ever, I pushed a post to reddit. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for traffic, but I was slightly saddened when I realized that I hadn’t actually received any new comments. #ImSoPetty. Not that my shit’s all that interesting, but hey, a girl could use some love over here- or just a new friend. While it’s been a slow start to this enjoyable journey into blogging, this is just proof that I continue to learn something new every day. AKA – Amaze Myself. I think I’ll continue this accidental test run with reddit, it’s definitely helping to drive new readers?? #RedditForLifeBitches.
3. I decided to start P.T. Boot Camp 2014 at the Jazz Castle today. . . for those of you that don’t know, the Jazz Castle is my house. My husband has this awkward infatuation with referring to himself as “Pjazz” It’s short (long) for PJ. His real name’s Patrick. Please don’t make me explain. Regardless, this is the Jazz Castle. It’s our home. It has its own Facebook Page. . . .#ThisShouldBeItsOwnConfession. #SoEmbarrassing. #CantKeepThatShitUpdated. #PleaseLikeUs. For the definition of P.T. Boot Camp, please see below:
Anyhow, my daughter will be 3 in July- Since I am in between jobs, I thought it no better time to prove my worth (since I’m clearly not doing it via housework) by potty training our baby. WHAT THE HELL. After a trip to Meijer: 10 pairs of Doc McStuffins/Hello Kitty panties, 50 feet of painters tarp and an industrial size bag of wipes later. . . . here we are. Complete and total insanity.
Seriously. I don’t even know where to begin. #YesShesStraddlingTheToilet. #ToiletPaperEverywhere. Aside from the 10 apple juices I’ve willingly provided, I’ve only landed myself: one successful pee, one accidental pee (on the hardwood #ThankGod) and the dog puking up grass. #WhatTheFuck.
I confess, I have NO idea what I’m doing. . . but I do know I would make one hell of an efficient painter. . . I prepped this place in a matter of seconds.
With that, I’m saving myself for Sunday service #Right. Until next week ladies, confess on!
Also, have any of you potty trained? What useful advice can you offer a completely hopeless mother of one? #ILoveYouInAdvance!