So it’s Wednesday at 11:00 pm at night and I’m just now sitting down forcing myself to post. I guess there is no better way to kick off a weekly confession then by confessing I don’t have any idea why I’m writing today to begin with. Feel free to press the tiny X in the corner of your screen at any point. . . . I’m clearly not worthy of a decent audience these past few weeks. But seriously, it’s been one hell of a month. I can’t even begin to explain my lack of motivation.
Between getting my life together and listening to my own thoughts, I’ve pretty much just given up completely. It’s not just blogging, it’s a mixture of everything. I’m going through a lot of personal changes at this exact moment and the time off between positions isn’t doing me any favors. The more time I have, the more I think. The more I think . . . well, I just take a nap. I’m in that state of being where you have just SO much to do, so much to figure out that “Hey lets just sleep it off” sounds so much more appealing. Between my own self-seeking and my friends and family chiming in. . . I’ve pretty much just been eating Cheetos, taking bike rides and finding things to keep my own thoughts at bay. . . so far it’s going phenomenal. (Insert Sarcasm Here).
But seriously, I have so many things to think about. I’m in a really tough spot between starting a job that could mean entirely too much responsibility to happily balance my personal life, personal business and personal serenity. . . while also making a hefty/happy contribution to our finances and utilizing my education (that I’m still paying off mind you) – OR – diving head-first into my own personal ambitions and leaving all expectations behind in a journey of spending more time with my family and doing something that makes me incredibly happy, all while having no promised source of consistent income which could in turn cause its own collection of chaotic nightmares.
One one end; I’m a crazy, motivated, Type A personality that needs to have that pressing career which requires long hours, travel and personal sacrifice. To me, that’s a REAL career woman. I’ve obsessed over it my entire life. On the other hand, I’m creative, passionate and WAY too independent to be working in a structured corporate environment and want the ability to test my own personal possibilities. I want the best of both worlds. My husband wants the security of a traditional career. I used to feel that way too. ALL the time. Then, I became a mother. Once this happened, things changed. I wanted more than just going to work for someone else. I transitioned my thoughts to a more independent, happy and hopeful existence. BUT, I also want to be a reliable member of my family, contribute to a healthy savings, pay down debt and possibly take my child to Disney World one day . . . .if I take this leap, I’m risking all that money can bring. . . but does that really include happiness? I think not. Or maybe? I seriously just don’t even know. I do love Disney though . . .
With that being said, this is where I’m at. . . . .^^^^^^^^^^ (I Love Me Some Stitch GIFs).
In my own thoughts.
Also, while I’m thinking out loud, I’m incredibly guilt stricken with my lack in blogging these past few weeks. I have to think that this is no better place to share my struggles, yet I’m again on the couch eating Cheerios (we ran out of Cheetos – BOO!) posting just before midnight, alone. I seriously just need a little structure in my insanity and I hope to get back into a consistent pattern. I’m really not ready to give up on this self-created space. I love it and I feel like it’s just the beginning! But really, what would you ladies do? I could REALLY use some advice on the subject. . .
With that, lets sign off by sending you over to Kathy’s amazing link-up: Humpday Confessions over at Vodka & Soda for some fun and feisty posting!
Happy Hump Day (Night)!!
Cheers,
twinewithatwist.com 
to me, a career isn’t defined a something that keeps you busy 100% of the time; it’s something you can see yourself doing pretty much until you retire and will be happy waking up each and every morning, ready to tackle whatever is thrown your way. a career isn’t defined by how much money you make but how happy you are doing what you do; happiness and passion is what will get you out of bed each morning. i’m lucky in that my career is very lucrative but even if it wasn’t, i’d still do this because i love it.
self-employment can be a little tricky with inconsistent/variable income but the self-employment opportunity will always be there.
what i would do: take this corporate job – for now. see where that takes you and what you learn. before you sign anything, tell them what your expectations are and make sure all of that jazz is in your contract/offer. if this means you work from home 2 days a week, put that in. if that means flexible hours because of your kids, put that in. my family comes first, then my work. i will work damn hard and even after hours if i need to but if my kid is sick or she has to be picked up from school, i will get up and go regardless of what’s going on. my family comes first and always will.
in my mind, everything is a learning opportunity that you take with you to new things/phases in your life.
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Thanks so much Kathy. I know it’s difficult in today’s world to juggle both family and career and it’s been something I’m always tossing back and forth with . . . .typically in the middle of the night!
It’s been a struggle since I became a mom for me and continues each and every day. I don’t think I’ve ever been this discontent or undecided on something in my life! I typically know exactly what I want and go for it… If not I follow my heart. In this case my heart wants both!
I appreciate your words and agree with you about trying the career first. It’s something to add to my experiences and will undoubtedly teach me something, good or bad!
🙂
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The last Stitch gif is pretty awesome and describes many of our lives at one point or another. I think it’s perfect all right, normal, and needed to just give ourselves a break from life and all its commitments and responsibilities. Sometimes when we focus on all we “should” be doing, we just forget to “be”. Like after the birth of my first son, I was too focused on what I should be doing for him that I forgot to enjoy him, though not every second is enjoyable. Anyways, hope that you give yourself the credit and break you deserve and find yourself, whatever that may mean.
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I love Stitch. I’ve been a fan since it first came out and can now share my obsession with my daughter. Although sometimes he isn’t the best “role model” LOL! I do agree that a break can be just what the doctor ordered, I just feel like I’m falling behind and want to know what my future holds. It’s an up and down game. – Thanks for replying, I can use all the words of encouragement right now!! Xo
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I’m the worst at stuff like this. I wish I had some kind of advice to give or experience to share.
My gut tells me to take the big job. Another opportunity for it may not come along. If you hate it, or it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, you can always quit and give the other thing a shot!
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I’m leaning that way as well, it’s something I feel like I have to jump on, but my hearts telling me differently. It’s just so frustrating!! But thanks for your thoughts love, I truly appreciate it!
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