Tag Archives: Fear

Boy, That Escalated Quickly *

Posted in Mimosas & Mommyhood by

In light of my recent blogging, it’s come to my attention that my acts of “internet rant”- if you will – have been everything less than secretive. With numerous friends and family discovering my private world of personal thought, it’s becoming more and more apparent that I need to step forward before I’m “found out”. While I initially planned to post publicly from the start, the past 5 months have made quite clear that I am in no way ready to step out of my comfort zone.

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In the beginning, personal dissatisfaction was strung together by tiny pieces of self-doubt and Front Paige News was in NO WAY ready for public scrutiny. While I dabbled with layout, structure, themes and more, the first few months of this personal blog were both completely chaotic and professionally un-published. If you take a look through my Archives, you’ll see that one Photography post was made back in October (My First Post EVER) and then NOTHING until the last weeks of November. I was absolutely petrified long before “my” world was even part of the equation. With no idea on where to go, I refused to face my fears. Then one sleepy day in November I came across Amanda over at Voyage of the MeeMee. A close friend, she lit a fire under my ass to get up and get going. Her blog’s been a great motivation and while we’ve discussed our mutual fears of going “Public” if you will, she can always – at the very least – inspire me to take tackle my fears online. This works, and now I’m regularly posting to an audience of complete strangers. Did I mention it’s fun??

But that’s not the point.

Now I’m here, 30+ posts later and I’m starting to feel the pressure of what to do with myself and my blog. Who am I writing to? While I adore this personal “blogisphere” I live in with a micro-mini collection of comments and a handful of followers, I know that my reasoning behind blogging in the first place was to create an open forum for those that I know and care about to come together and follow-up on the things going on in me and my family’s life. Now that I’m actually blogging, that’s my biggest fear!

Am I ready for everyone I know outside of this tiny space to see my little creation? Is it really anything? Lets be real, I still have no idea what I’m doing and while I’d like to think my friends and family would chime in each day and merrily read up on my happenings, this is nothing more than an elongated Facebook status that most people should scroll on by. . . Which brings me to my next fear, what if people DO read it? That’s even more horrifying! What if people actually like this garbage and I end up feeling more and more obligated to keep up on my posts. The pressure would be both intimidating and unnecessary on so many levels. I mean, it could really get out of hand! This isn’t my full-time profession. I don’t need the added stress of one more item on my daily “to-do” list do I? Or do I?

While I’ve yet to really feel secure in my blogging abilities, it’s something I truly look forward to. Yes, I still slack on a variety of levels and no, I don’t always know where I’m going with each post. But that’s ok, I’m learning. I’m facing my fears on a daily level and instead of running, I’m stepping up. . . .little by little.

I guess this brings me to my question for all of you: At what point did you take the plunge and introduce your personal space to your personal “people”? Was it months? Years? Immediately? What was your experience and what is your advice – if any – for me?

Ps. I would also like to toss a huge Happy Birthday out to Amanda over at Voyage of the MeeMee! Your’e the peaches to some sweet and tasty cream and I love you bitch. . . Xo! ♥

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Cheers!

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Try Something New *

Posted in Mimosas & Mommyhood by

What is it about change? What about change-in all it’s uncertainty-forces certain people to just completely shut down? Is it Fear? As I have come to understand in my lifetime, fear is the root of all unhappiness and unhappiness stems from one’s inability to change. In knowing this, I have always made a conscious effort to welcome change into my life. A creator of personal prints and someone who’s small obsession with an abundance of quotes glimmers quite obvious; one of my all time favorite quotes has always been that on Darwinism:

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It’s the one that’s the most adaptable to change.”

Truer words were never spoken. While I’ve dabbled in my own guilty moments of peaceful contention, I’ve never lost the ambition to seek new paths. An explorer at heart, I’ll seek my kicks in every corner. While I may find myself often limited by particular life-choices, this doesn’t mean that I have to sacrifice who I am as a person, my happiness and my curiosity.

Last night, I came across a quote on a friend’s Facebook that took me by surprise. Perhaps it was that I had never heard this quote, (which is indeed surprising as I creep thousands of quotes per week). . . or maybe it was the fact that it completely encompassed my life in that exact moment. 

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I sat both confused and inspired on my couch alone. Was this what I was afraid of? Was I afraid? Was I myself, resisting change?

While a constant argument in my home tends to circle around any substance of modification, my husband often states his inability or desire for any type of drastic change. He’s content. I often find myself frustrated and bewildered at such a person. Am I content? Sure, for a hot minute while I’m sipping tea and watching Netflix in my Northface pants. I can be down right humble at times . . . but I’ll always be self-seeking, ever changing. I strive for personal growth. . . the adrenaline in not knowing. Yet here I am afraid of some of Life’s “What Ifs”.

  • When I started this blog, I was afraid. Afraid of publishing content, afraid of my layout, afraid of being boring, afraid I would look like I had NO idea what I was doing. Well guess what? I still don’t. Oh and guess again, that’s Ok.
  • My Etsy Shop? I’m afraid it won’t become what I want it to be. I want busy, I want traffic, I want a full time commitment. While I can’t predict the future, I can do my part in making sure I’m on the right track to success. It’s something I enjoy and it brings happiness to people all around me.
  • Crafting? #SeriousAmateurRightHere but hey, I’m totally addicted. While I’m often afraid of attempting a difficult project, I’m always finding way to expand my creativity and take it to the next level-One step at a time.

So now what? Time for CHANGE. I want to stop fearing the “what if’s” and become the “what’s up”! I want independence, self reliability, individual worth. I need that, for me. I need to take my passion for the creative and put it to work. I want my passion to become a career and this career to be my passion. So I ask you: what’s the next step? I love this quote for the very reason that I’m NOT a professional, yet I have no idea how to take a step back from the professional (corporate) world and just BE. Be an amateur. Be willing to accept that things wont be perfect, wont be pretty; however, I just may succeed.

Have any of you turned your passion into a career? Did your career become your passion? What’s the secret to loving what you do and doing what you love??

♥ Cheers!

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