In light of my recent blogging, it’s come to my attention that my acts of “internet rant”- if you will – have been everything less than secretive. With numerous friends and family discovering my private world of personal thought, it’s becoming more and more apparent that I need to step forward before I’m “found out”. While I initially planned to post publicly from the start, the past 5 months have made quite clear that I am in no way ready to step out of my comfort zone.
In the beginning, personal dissatisfaction was strung together by tiny pieces of self-doubt and Front Paige News was in NO WAY ready for public scrutiny. While I dabbled with layout, structure, themes and more, the first few months of this personal blog were both completely chaotic and professionally un-published. If you take a look through my Archives, you’ll see that one Photography post was made back in October (My First Post EVER) and then NOTHING until the last weeks of November. I was absolutely petrified long before “my” world was even part of the equation. With no idea on where to go, I refused to face my fears. Then one sleepy day in November I came across Amanda over at Voyage of the MeeMee. A close friend, she lit a fire under my ass to get up and get going. Her blog’s been a great motivation and while we’ve discussed our mutual fears of going “Public” if you will, she can always – at the very least – inspire me to take tackle my fears online. This works, and now I’m regularly posting to an audience of complete strangers. Did I mention it’s fun??
But that’s not the point.
Now I’m here, 30+ posts later and I’m starting to feel the pressure of what to do with myself and my blog. Who am I writing to? While I adore this personal “blogisphere” I live in with a micro-mini collection of comments and a handful of followers, I know that my reasoning behind blogging in the first place was to create an open forum for those that I know and care about to come together and follow-up on the things going on in me and my family’s life. Now that I’m actually blogging, that’s my biggest fear!
Am I ready for everyone I know outside of this tiny space to see my little creation? Is it really anything? Lets be real, I still have no idea what I’m doing and while I’d like to think my friends and family would chime in each day and merrily read up on my happenings, this is nothing more than an elongated Facebook status that most people should scroll on by. . . Which brings me to my next fear, what if people DO read it? That’s even more horrifying! What if people actually like this garbage and I end up feeling more and more obligated to keep up on my posts. The pressure would be both intimidating and unnecessary on so many levels. I mean, it could really get out of hand! This isn’t my full-time profession. I don’t need the added stress of one more item on my daily “to-do” list do I? Or do I?
While I’ve yet to really feel secure in my blogging abilities, it’s something I truly look forward to. Yes, I still slack on a variety of levels and no, I don’t always know where I’m going with each post. But that’s ok, I’m learning. I’m facing my fears on a daily level and instead of running, I’m stepping up. . . .little by little.
I guess this brings me to my question for all of you: At what point did you take the plunge and introduce your personal space to your personal “people”? Was it months? Years? Immediately? What was your experience and what is your advice – if any – for me?
Ps. I would also like to toss a huge Happy Birthday out to Amanda over at Voyage of the MeeMee! Your’e the peaches to some sweet and tasty cream and I love you bitch. . . Xo! ♥
5 thoughts on “Boy, That Escalated Quickly *”
honestly, NEVER. my friends know about it (some do) but not all and i don’t like to talk about it. when they try to talk to me about a post, i get all weird and awkward. you can read my stuff just don’t talk to me about it!!!
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Thank you! See that’s where I’m at. I wouldn’t mind if people took a looksie, but I don’t want them like sharing posts on SM sites and chatting about it at our next get together. I’m just nervous and the only “real-life” person I’ve ever spoken to about my blog really is Amanda and she deals with the same shit. We both are on a mutual point and I feel like we just have that group of people in our lives that would find a way to pick it apart rather than build it up. . . But on the other hand my mother knows about it and I know how “over-sharing” she is so I’m just waiting for all the family to start chiming in! I guess I’m just holding out until I think it’s “perfect” before I feel comfortable sharing. But then again I will never acquire perfection. I mean what is that? Seriously. I guess I’ll know when I know.
Thanks Kathy, I always love your insight!! Xo
Thanks for the birthday love!!!! 😀
In some ways, I feel like the longer I wait before telling people we know in “real life” the more awkward it will be when the time comes. But then other sometimes I think… maybe I’ll just NEVER tell them. Only a handful know as of now. As far as commenters go, you’re the only person I know in real life who comments on it… and my mom every once in a while, haha! 🙂 I don’t know why it’s so scary. I mean, you can attest to the fact that I’m the exact same way in person that I am on my blog… so whyyyyy do I care if people I know in real life read it?! Gahhh. Daily struggle. My guess is, we’ll know when the time is right. 🙂
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I know right? Like you know better then anyone in blog land that I talk more then humanly possible. It should come as a shock to nobody that I would also find additional outlets of communication just to, ya know, never shut up. But yes, I think we will know when we know!!
OMG and as I sit here I just thought about how your mom comments. . . I would have to literally ban my mother. Have you even seen how many times she can comment on a single FB post? So god damn embarrassing.