As If I Needed A Reason . . . Confessions *

So it’s my favorite Blogging day of the week! Why? Because I don’t have to get all creative. I just get to throw it all up and hope you people consider  my word vomit worthy of the internet. If not, I’m sorry. Not really, but I’ll say it anyhow. Regardless, it’s time to confess:

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So our power went out this morning due to a crazy storm. I would love to tell you that this is the reason I’m not posting until 4pm, but it’s not. I confess: I’m just lazy. After a morning spent living like a pilgrim, I decided to finally use a lighter to get my gas stove top going and make myself some hot water the old-fashioned way. Tea was a necessity. I then took it upon myself to completely remodel my daughter’s bedroom. (Because what else are you supposed to do with no internet, tv, bullet blender, and lights?) It wasn’t until about an hour and a half into this ordeal that I realized the power was back on. By mistake. I moved a lamp across the room and turned it on by habit, -TADA-it actually turned on. My dumb ass would have probably spent the better half of another 5 hours before I realized I wasn’t in the cretaceous period  if not for that lamp. Thank God I’m stupid.

I literally watched a full 25 hours of Pretty Little Liars Season 4 in only 5 days. That’s pathetic. Like seriously, that’s the equivalent of me staying up nonstop for an entire night AND day and not leaving the couch for anything. Or just basically doing nothing for like 5 days (5 hours a day) I don’t even care. I was all caught up for the second episode of Season 2 last night. It was like running my first marathon. #ForLazyPeople. I was so proud, until I realized I had to put up with commercials. Aint Nobody Got Time For That. Not to mention, I have to actually WAIT  7 days for the next episode? This must be what coming off drugs feels like. . . . #FirstWorldProblems.

I had to pay $64.00 for the dry cleaning  that I picked up this morning. WHAT THE F. I don’t even have a career that involves getting suits and pants pressed. I’ve not been this annoyed with spending  money on stupid shit for at least 3 months. I left feeling pretty much like this:

Tomorrow is Day 100 on my 100 Happy Days Challenge. I have NO clue what I should photograph to go out with a “Bang”. I could seriously use some inspiration so feel free to leave a comment or two on what you think would make a great finale!

I wore a dress and heels this weekend that would have looked great on a 21-year-old. On me? Not so much. I mean I can pull off leopard heels from time to time, but platform? No thanks, not EVER again. I also rode a party bus and danced at a club that featured half-naked women in platform cages and extremely loud music that I wasn’t familiar with. It became incredibly clear in a short amount of time that I’m officially not a 20 something, even if I’m entitled to another 1.5 years of 2_. It was an awesome night but for the first time in a long time, a bed, any bed, had never felt so fantastic. But seriously, I’m sticking with skinny jeans from here on out. . . .

I can’t stop making Frozen Hot Chocolates (And NOT From Tim Horton’s This Time!! – (See previous post that explains my past addiction). I came up with a homemade alternative (because I’m a frugal bitch) that is so stupid simple it’s just silly not to make 2-3 a day. Or 4. I am addicted already and I only decided to play around with a few recipes last week. So obsessed actually that I’m using my DIY Thursday post tomorrow to feature a recipe you can make with stuff you probably all have lying around your house already. Check it out if you want in on the affordable goodness that is to come.

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On that note I’m getting the hell out of here before the power goes again . . . another storm rolling in! But before I run, let me remind you to head on over to Humpday Confessions with Kathy over at Vodka & Soda – the perfect place to air your dirty laundry.

If that’s not really your style (but seriously, who don’t love a good reason to get it all out), get on over to The Hump Day Blog Hop with Liz at Fitness Blondie, another great way to meet new Bloggers and share your simple selfs!

Cheers,

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These Are My Confessions. *

I’m just going to jump right in today as I don’t have time for some class act intro. . . .so here we go:

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I confess. . . I couldn’t wait to post this week strictly because of this photo. It’s basically amazing and I used to be ALL up in this jam. Middle School days re-lived. #Winning. #TheseAreMyConfessions #Usher

I often strategically leave “my” iPad in an easily accessible location before bed for my daughter to find each morning. It equates to an additional 30 minutes + of sleep for me. As long as she has the iPad, she’s completely preoccupied AKA forgets she needs to pull my hair, steal my blankets, yell my name for no reason and shriek loudly for food. It’s pretty much the best idea I’ve ever had.

I plan to make this Lemonade stand for my daughter today . . . . It’s pretty much amazing. Since I’m currently just running my Etsy Shop from home, I figure: Why not put my almost 3-year-old to work? She needs to start pulling her weight. Did I mention my mother is coming over to help us get supplies and construct? #GodHelpUs. #GirlsDayGoneWrong. #ToolTime!

I offered to guest post for Chelsee next Thursday over at Southern Beauty Guide. I’m beyond excited!! I haven’t a clue what I’m going to publish yet but I can’t wait to be featured on such a fun blog. Great girl, great blog, great name! (I’m a little partial). Seriously though, what should I post?? GO check her out and let me know your thoughts!!

I can’t stop eating Lucky Charms. It’s not even normal. . . . went to Costco and got our 2nd family pack in less than 2 weeks. I need an intervention.

I’ve decided I’m growing out my eyebrows. It’s already been 2 months, I rarely go out in public, and nobody (cough. cough. MOM) taught me how to handle this situation in the first place so I’m pretty sure I’ve been doing it all wrong since day one. Why not start over? In the mean time, this is me. . . . .(BTW: This is an entire GIF link dedicated to eyebrows. I God damn love the internet.)

We had deer in our yard today. Now I realize to some of you that’s a totally normal occurrence, but we live off a major intersection with limited fields/wooded areas around, basically a city. . . Deer don’t just come about often/ever. I’m not really confessing anything here, but because of this I have to share this Facebook status update from my sister in-law back in 2011. I wish I still had her initial text message asking for assistance. #Hilarious. #DeerStandingByYourCarAre NOTAnEmergency.

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With that, I’m out of here!

Check out how you can confess every Wednesday with Kathy of Vodka & Soda or just Link-Up for the hell of it with Liz at Fitness Blondie for her weekly Hump Day Blog Hop! #GetIt.

 

Cheers!

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50 Things I Love About Blogging *

So yesterday was my 50th entry to my Blog. As a somewhat “Over The Hill” tribute, I would like to dedicate today’s post to confessing the 50 things I’ve come to love about blogging. It’s only been a few short months since I’ve taken on this personal challenge and while it’s had its definite shares of ups and downs, I’ve grown a tremendous amount in the process and I couldn’t be more grateful. To all of those who’ve witnessed what little triumphs I’ve made in the past 5 months, I thank you. You’re an inspiration in so many ways and I couldn’t have done this with out witnessing your pure and honest confessions to the world.

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Another announcement -or “confession”, if you will- is that I’ve decided to revamp my blog and take it in another direction. While I’ll still be blogging about the same old garbage, I have finally committed to purchasing a domain (About Time – I know.) and have realigned it with my personal business to keep things simple. While I still adore “Front Paige News” (because my daughter’s name is Paige), this domain was already occupied. I then considered the thought of losing out on www.TwineWithATwist.com as a domain (because it’s my side-business) and thought it no better time than the present to jump on it. Happy 50th Baby Blog: I got you a domain, facelift and some much-needed attention. Don’t worry, the chocolate covered strawberries are on the way! Maybe some day I’ll even upgrade my WordPress to a custom account. #BabySteps.

So in light of all the things learned since last November, I would like to compound those moments, lessons and memories into one small list: My 50 in 50. (These go in no particular order):

50 Things I love About Blogging:

  1. Patience – Your blog isn’t going to grow overnight. You learn to accept it, learn and listen.
  2. Connections – You meet the most amazing people in this tiny universe. It’s amazing and you will grow to love each and every person.
  3. Fear – You will attempt to conquer some of your biggest phobias. Then grow from them! It’s exhilarating, just wait.
  4. Grammar – I took a lot of english classes, had a minor in Language Arts and was an editor for 5 years. I’m still complete crap. The more you blog, the better you get!
  5. Design – You can make this space your own. It’s something I like to fiddle with time and again, it never gets old. Change it as you see fit, as often as you see fit.
  6. Capture – Take moments of your life and post them for the world to see, for you to see. It doesn’t matter, just make the most of your memories.
  7. Love – Finding that irreplaceable connection with your blog. It’s a place to escape when nothing else feels right. Write your world.
  8. Photography – Learn it. I have grown so much in this passion through the simple art of Blogging. Create that perfect accent to your word, a photo.
  9. Simplicity – Each post is its own. Don’t over think it. (I know I do!)
  10. Victory – Find triumph when you can. Each post, each goal, each milestone. Celebrate we will, cuz’ life is short but sweet for certain!
  11. Responsibility – You learn to face self-inflicted deadlines and personally accept the guilt that comes with failure (or even laziness). While nobody -but you- is betting against you, it can be stressful none the less. Don’t go too hard on yourself. . . It’s just a Blog!
  12. Creativity – You can spend an afternoon creating the perfect post, the perfect layout, the perfect photo. It’s engaging and addictive. It can also be completely freeing! Let your mind wander.
  13. Passion – You will find your passion. In this blog, in your life, in your writing. Embrace it. Love It. Learn it. Grow with it.
  14. Feedback – Cherish each comment. In the beginning it’s all that you have to not feel like you’re writing to a wall. These are the people who support you, big or small. It’s exciting!
  15. Support – Give it. Get it. You can change a persons entire day with one post, one comment. Blogging gives you an incredible network of people you’ll never meet otherwise. Embrace your connections.
  16. Publish – You can do it. When that initial post is too frightful to release on the world, just do it anyways. It took me 3 months to finally “click” the button. I’m so grateful that I did.
  17. Edit – Learn to love it. Re-read and over analyze. It might drive you crazy but each post is a work of art and I love going back and finding errors, it means I’m just as imperfect as I hoped I was.
  18. Voice – Finding your voice can be an upwards battle but it’s worth every moment. I can’t express how excited I am to continue on this path to finding what it is I can call my own.
  19. Link-Ups – Get in on the fun and find new friends. While I struggle to create my own “Link-Up”, I thoroughly enjoy the ones I take part in, like today’s “Humpday Confessions” with Kathy over at Vodka and Soda or Liz over on Fitness Blondie with “The Hump Day Blog Hop!“. Always look to grow your blog and join the party(ies) if you will!
  20. Humor – Embrace each Blog for the laughter that it can offer. Don’t be afraid to show your silly side and laugh. A lot. Often. At Yourself.
  21. Motivation – Blog It Up! While I struggle to find the words some days, I have never felt such a compelling effort to keep writing. . . a Blog is a baby, don’t toss it in a box outside your alley. #Seriously.
  22. Unique – Finding what it is you feel like publishing can be extremely fun/difficult. Rainboots? Sure. Write about them. Why the hell not? Be Yourself. . . It’s liberating.
  23. Privacy – Share when you’re ready. The best aspect to Blogging is the freedoms you’re given. You decide when -and if- you want to unveil your space to your (rather intimidating) personal world. For me, it’s about that time. I think it could be beneficial to conquering those final fears!
  24. Procrastination – I can if I want. Although I will admit, one of the most beneficial aspects to blogging could be the “make-believe urgency” to STOP being a slacker. If anything, you’ll overcome your lazy ways.
  25. Change – The adventures of Blogging will change you. Your voice will change, your writing will change, your formats will change. Don’t be afraid of it. The only thing constant is change.
  26. Read – You will read. A Lot. Each blog you follow will become like a short story that never ends. You will fall in love with some of them. Don’t compare, don’t judge. Accept and learn from each person you follow. . . they are inspiring in each their own.
  27. Comfort – Create a place all your own, your dream escape from everything. This is your space to be you, to be honest, to be challenged. It’s comforting to know you can always come back.
  28. Listen – In the past 5 months and I can honestly say that I’ve learned so much by simply listening to what others have to blog about, by listening to the experts, listening to your challenges, your victories, your daily dish. It’s why God gave us two ears and one mouth . . . .although it’s tough to argue when I blog with two hands?!
  29. Believe – Dare to be great. Aspire to be the next best “________”. It’s up to you. Nobody else. Don’t ever give up on your Blog, it’s a small extension of yourself. Treat it as such.
  30. Gratitude – Be courteous to those who appreciate your words and never forget to show thanks to those who’ve touched you! I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been truly thankful in this process and it’s quite amazing, it never ends!
  31. Perfection – Give it up! It doesn’t exist and you don’t need it. If there is one thing that Blogging had taught me, it’s that not any one post is better than another. Blog from your heart and your imperfections will glow with honesty. It’s your best attribute.
  32. Preparation- Blogging has taught me to plan ahead. While I mostly write by the seat of my pants, it’s given me a better idea on how to implement an idea and prepare for its path. It can be difficult but it’s benefits are endless, in life and in Blogging.
  33. Help – Ask for it. As often as you see fit. Blogging has taught me to ask for help. Lots of it. While I may work in Social Media, I do NOT know it all. I have so much to learn and I’m not afraid to ask the pros, you shouldn’t be either.
  34. Ambition – Get some! While I’ve always thought of myself as a somewhat ambitious individual, it wasn’t until I started this blog that I became aware of all my own possibilities. I’m a rockstar, so are you. Act like it.
  35. Code – Learn it. While I have a very limited knowledge on the backside of web design, Blogging has taught me some of the bare minimums that I would have otherwise neglected. It feels great to successfully pull off a little bit of coding, even if it’s just HTML!
  36. Discover – Never stop exploring. Blogging has opened so many doors for me. I couldn’t be more appreciative of the avenues this adventure has led me down.
  37. Labels – Label Yourself. Don’t be a pansy about it either. It helps to better express yourself and let others around you know what you’re about. I enjoy the honesty that comes from admitting both my character defects and my admiral qualities. . . . and finish your “About Me”!
  38. Giveaways – I damn well LOVE giveaways. I enjoy the traffic they create. As a Social Media Manager, I can honestly say that giveaways are the one small similarity I’ve found in my personal blog space and my daily profession. While I suck at throwing them – I have no idea what I’m doing – I enjoy witnessing another’s successful contest. I don’t mind participating either!
  39. Honesty – Let go of your reservations. Blogging is one of the best ways to get honest with yourself . . . and others.
  40. Accountability – The feeling that you get from contributing to something is indescribable. Feeling needed is a natural desire for anyone. . . . this space can give you that and it’s wonderful.
  41. Variety – The Blogging world is endless. The variation you can get from one feed alone is so intriguing. Engine Rebuilds, Quilting, Sugar Free Donut Recipes? It’s all here. Never stop expanding your path to knowledge.
  42. Reality – Whether it’s indescribably sad or overwhelmingly happy, every Blog has the ability to open your eyes to the incredible world we live in. I can’t imagine a better way to relate to people then through pure emotion.
  43. Security – Knowing that at any moment your world could come crashing down and the people you meet through your Blog will be there for you, and you for them.
  44. Humility – Accepting yourself for all of your faults. Overcoming them. Laughing at them. Blogging about them. Laughing at them again. A truly honest blog will accept you for all your defects.
  45. Experiment – It’s your space, do what you will. If you’re looking to take a chance this is the perfect place! Take feedback with a grain of salt and learn to find consistency with time…I have only just begun!
  46. Community – Build your own. What’s more fantastic than your very own niche? While I’m far from finding my very own space, it’s refreshing to know that I’ll someday find my own personal neighborhood.
  47. Forget – It happens. Don’t get down on yourself if you take a day off. . . . I’ve taken 4 or 5. Sometimes it’s exactly what the doctor ordered. Appreciate the down time. Come back refreshed. It can prove to be a positive.
  48. Report – Find news, advice, tips and to-do’s that mean something to you, that mean something to your followers. Report it. Hell, make your own. Share your world and wisdom with others -I find this incredibly fun and always learn something about myself in the process.
  49. Finish – Don’t. Always find something to keep you coming back. While I can honestly admit that some of my favorite moments have been when I finally put the keyboard down, the fresh idea of another post is what keeps me coming back.
  50. Faith – Have it. In Yourself. In your Blog. Don’t for one minute think you’re not capable. Faith is taking the first step, even when you can’t see the whole staircase. #MyBlog.

If you actually read all this, god bless you. I don’t know why I didn’t start this days ago. Regardless, I couldn’t be happier!

If you get a chance, check out today’s link-ups (listed above/below) and enjoy the rest of your Wednesday!!

 

Cheers, 

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I Don’t Believe You *

Hello again! While it wasn’t exactly my plan to fly off the radar for the last 5 days, it definitely wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen. I planned on  posting yesterday but my internet was absolute crap (Thank the Lord it was taken care of early this AM) and I in no way could make a post or access the outside world. #SocialMediaCareerProblems.

No seriously though, not a single thing was accomplished at work or in my personal world. I would never wish a broken server on anyone, especially in a professional Social Media / Online Company atmosphere.

So to kick of confessions, I would first like to admit that I enjoyed my time off. While some of you may have noticed that I did make a post on Monday, it was truthfully a re-blog from an amazing story over on evoL=. It’s not that I didn’t plan on posting, I just felt that this incredible story of a close friend was worth overriding whatever nonsense garbage I would have otherwise considered feeding you people. Regardless, it’s been since Friday that I’ve really put any thought into blogging so, #SorryNotSorry. I needed this. It was an incredibly relaxing weekend, the weather finally broke for a few days and I relished my valuable time enjoying the first few seconds of Spring.

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Next: I have been carpooling with my husband to work as of late. It’s only Wednesday (Day Three) and it’s been Hell. I have a career that doesn’t require me to be in office at 8am. . .  I typically stroll in around 10am. #ThankGodForStartUpCulture. Today? 7:20 am and I’m getting dropped down town. #FML. I am NOT a morning person. The best part? My office isn’t even occupied until 9am. Instead of asking for a key and chilling in the creepy office alone I have found pure enjoyment in kickin’ it at the Coney Island each morning and people watching. They also have no Wifi. Bad? No, not really. It’s actually forcing me to spend more time creating prints for my Etsy shop. The growth I’ve produced in only 3 days by spending an additional 2 hours each morning on something I love has been astonishing. #TheUpside.

I ran a Facebook promotion for my side business. . . I hated it. I work in social yet I despise social media because of it. I thought I would give Facebook another chance for my personal side business – as they have dicked me over in my professional world time and again – WHAT a waste of life. (Oh, and $5.) Seriously though, I can’t stop verbally attacking FB today, or any day. It’s like word vomit and I don’t even . . .

Moving On: My daughter finally used the potty this weekend! #Yay! Our dog immediately followed up the celebration by eating the baby’s shit OUT of the potty. #Boo.

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I’m being a super slacker already. I’m writing this post as I sit on a couch in my office listening to one of the owners speak out of his ass about our company to a bunch of IT students from a local community college. I feel slightly guilty as I set up this event with the college placement dept. and elected him to speak (since he loves to hear himself talk). He’s honestly really good at BS’ing and it’s the perfect event for such a vibrant individual with such a colorful personality -no he’s not gay, just obnoxious in a good way- that is until we realized he knows nothing about Information Technology. #WingItBaby! #ILoveMyJob. But seriously, I must have missed the part where it was going to be only IT students. #Woops?

I had my hair colored last Thursday. I love it. I can’t stop looking at it. It could be my favorite color ever and I don’t even care if I’m being a vain Bitch right now. #ILookGood.

I sit next to a kid (he’s literally 21) named Andrew at my work who answers customer calls. He never believes me when I tell him he looks like Carl from Walking Dead (probably because he doesn’t watch the show) . . . until I found this hat, took these pictures and made this collage. #TheEnd. I would also like to note that Carl is a little rat and for any of you that watch the show, he ALMOST deserved what he was about to get on the season finale. . . Almost.

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I have 3 showers for the next 3 weekends. I’m already annoyed and I haven’t even decided on what I’m going to wear yet. #TheWorstPart – I seriously hate dressing up in general and baby/wedding showers seem to be my biggest downfall.

Lastly,

I stole the photos and URL’s for today’s  link-ups (provided below) from Amanda over at Voyage of the MeeMee‘s blog because I was too lazy to scroll through my 300+ unread blogs to find each of your posts. . . I swear I will read them in a hot second, just let me get this off the press first. #ItsBeen5Days! #Thanks. XO.

If you have something to get off your chest on this beautiful little Wednesday, make sure you stop on over at Vodka And Soda for Kathy’s Weekly “Humpday Confessions” and link-up any post your heart desires with Liz From Fitness Blondie for her weekly Hump Day Blog Hop!!

 

Cheers,

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The Lost Confessions *

I can’t help but surrender to the idea that I’m incapable of pre-planning my blogging week. While I look forward to the day that I can call myself “organized”, it doesn’t help that I’m currently a ball of chaos. I confess, I love creeping on all the ideal Pinterest ways in which to Organize/Promote/Influence your blog, but let’s be real, between my full-time career, part-time Etsy business, being a mom, wife, and living anything remotely close to a life. . . .pre-planning a blog is hardly on my to-do list!

To be brutally honest, I confess: I have been super proud of myself for even getting on here almost every day and getting something on paper! While I’ve always been a bit of a procrastinator, I tend to do my best work in the heat of the moment the last damn second of my day. Hell, I typically don’t even post for the day until 4pm and THAT is another thing I hope to change. . . you and your morning posts! #OverAchievers!!! I have these grand ideas you see, of a blog that has substance, flow, even an “agenda”. . . . right now it’s just a damn disaster and I truly appreciate all of you that follow along while I stumble to find my footing!

While the majority of the blogs I follow have a solid voice, I have to admit that I in no way have any idea where this little guy’s going. I have this schedule in mind where every week I do something like: Monday: (insert idea here- probably bad that I can’t even start the week with a solid thought), Tuesday: (something about married life, motherhood, serious shit), Wednesday: (Confessions & Funny stuff), Thursday: (DIY And How-To’s), Friday: (Favorites) and the Weekend: Well, you’re lucky if I even think twice about the blogisphere! This my friends is a long way off from my current status and while I hope to one day make it, for now I’m completely ok with having absolutely nothing in mind when I click “New Post”. #LiterallyNothing.

Confession: This post wasn’t decided until I clicked on “New Post”. I typically am bursting with confessions but I wanted to take this weeks Rant to a more organized place. #BecauseThinkingOutLoudIsAlwaysSoOrganized. [Right]. But seriously, what’s more to confess when you’ve come to realize that you’re confessing to yourself that you can’t even come up with a topic for confessions?!?. . . That is stems back to the fact that you have to admit (confess) that you aren’t the most organized blogger, then you realize that your faults are just piling up and all result in the simple fact that you can’t pick a damn topic to write about! Thank God for Kathy over at Vodka and Soda for at least solidifying my Wednesdays with a constant theme. If it wasn’t for her Humpday Confessions, I’m positive Wednesdays would be another (insert idea here) kind of day! Obviously, make sure you go check her out – It’s a great Wednesday tradition.

While I’m positive you’ve all been in my shoes (if you haven’t, stop bragging!), I would love a bit of advice on where and when you  found your “flow” – If you will? Do you even have one? Am I supposed to be this worried about it? How in the F do you guys plan out your blogs and if you don’t how in the hell do you find interesting material? What tips do you have for me?

Sincerely,

The Lost Blogger.

 

Ps. Make sure you stop over at Fitness Blondie’s: Hump Day Blog Hop for more mid-week fun as well and link-up with the rest of her crew!

Cheers,

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Ways In Which I Irresponsibly Utilize My Toddler – Volume I *

Since it’s Wednesday, I would like to take this time to confess the multiple things that I incorrectly utilize my toddler for at home. . . (while also confessing the complete lack of guilt that comes along with said post.) I believe this to be the beginning of a series of posts that will include other environments, situations and/or scenarios in which you can utilize your children improperly so please feel free to jump in with any and all ideas in the comments section below. I hope that you find this topic incredibly useful and I anticipate that if you don’t already have tiny tots of your own, you will come to appreciate their incredible versatility. Hell, maybe you will be so inspired as to go get one of your own!

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The Top Ten Things Toddlers Are Incredibly Useful For (Around The House):

  1. Alarm Clock – Paige walks in each morning roughly 5 minutes after my husband leaves for work. After anywhere between 2 to 3 weeks of this reoccurring routine, I have concluded that setting an alarm on my phone for 8:00 am is pointless. (Yes, I wake up at 8. Don’t judge me – I have a flex schedule I’m not a morning person.)
  2. Maid – Paige literally ENJOYS cleaning. I can’t take credit for this. While I do try to express the importance of a “clean” home, her Montessori wins the “child slave labor” award. She came home after only 2 weeks of school with the desire to wipe tables, throw away her own diapers and toss dirty laundry down our shoot. I don’t know what they are teaching her there but. . . #Winning.
  3. Remote Retrieval – Example: Mommy sits down on couch, forgets remote is across the room. “Paige will you please grab mommy the remote for the TV?” Paige grabs remote and brings to mommy. The end.
  4. Closer of All Things Open – I believe that Paige suffers from some mild form of OCD. I’m ok with this. So far it’s caused nothing but a few small arguments including the reasonable amount of times per day one baby should wash their hands, that cheerios cannot be lined up one-by-one (in a perfectly straight line) across the entire couch or that her juice cup doesn’t always HAVE to be placed in the cup holder. Despite these minor speed bumps we have come to notice some incredibly useful side effects, one being: no cupboard or drawer shall ever be left open in her presence. This also applies to the fridge and toilet seats. (Mind you, she doesn’t even use a toilet yet). She also enjoys rinsing dirty dishes, as this some how equates to additional “hand washes” – #Yipee.
  5. Interior Decorating: I have -on more than one occasion- utilized Paige’s infatuation with paint to assist in decorating my home. Hand her random object, brush, desired color of paint and Ta-Da! It’s done and all I had to do was supervise. Note: This event can/may result in discolored carpeting, colorful hair and/or pink dog fur. #SorryBaxter.
  6. Vacuum: Paige and Baxter take this responsibility incredibly serious. While toddler spills are often just as few and far between as the act of eating said spill off the floor (right), Paige is a stickler for cleaning every damn speck of anything off the ground, couch, table, etc. She has and will continue to bring me microscopic pieces of lint with the utmost concern. For this I am not thankful, just annoyed.
  7. Towel Boy – Ok she’s a girl, but you get the point. Every time I get in the shower and forget to grab a towel: “Paige, Mommy needs a towel!” She delivers with incredible speed, like Jimmy Johns. #FreakyFast.
  8. Dog Duty – Paige is responsible for giving our dog, Baxter, all of his treats. I am too lazy to get off the couch and do it myself, plus find very little reason to reward him – he’s kind of an ass. Paige also assists in Baxter’s bath time and alerts us as to when he would like to be let in from outside. #BecauseICouldNotHearTheExcessiveBarking.
  9. Helpful Hanger – Paige hands each article of clothing to mommy to be hung in her closet thus alleviating any effort of bending over to grab tiny clothes from laundry basket. She also sorts socks and sucks at it.
  10. Designated Dustpan Aficionado – Holds dustpan while I sweep floors. #ProbablyHerFavoriteThingOnTheList.

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And that’s a wrap! While I’m sure my husband can contribute any number of additional pointers to this already growing list, I feel that this first edition is one worth documenting. Do you utilize your children in irresponsible ways? Feel like adding one to the list or just attempting a few of these on your own time? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below! Note To Readers: To avoid any and all confusion: this post was clearly made in a humorous context. Anyone lacking a facetious remark will be swiftly smacked and removed from all comments until further notice. We like to laugh here.

If there is something you feel like confessing (like how badly you want to report me to CPS), make sure you hop on over to Kathy’s link-up at Vodka And Soda for her Humpday Confessions and get in on all the weekly fun!

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Happy Hump Day!

Cheers, 

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W is For Confessions *

Wednesdays are my favorite. . . probably because I get to work from home every Thursday #TGIW but also because I truly adore me some Humpday Confessions with Kathy over at Vodka And Soda. What could be better than tossing the monkey off your back and just letting it all air out? #IDontKnow. Plus it’s always fun to try new Link-Ups so I’m jumping aboard The Fitness Blondie wagon again too! So with that being said, I would really like to get to it.

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Confession #1: I want to add a GoogleFriendConnect widget to my blog and I have NO CLUE how to do it. I have been looking into it all morning after reading lots of other blogs and joining their connects. I feel like a lost puppy in “blog world” some days and I just need to figure my shit out. I never did figure out the Pin It options either (mentioned in this post) but then suddenly, Google Chrome answered my blog prayers and added the “Pin It” button to every photo you see on Google Chrome anyhow. For those of you that don’t use Chrome. . . . you’ll just have to wait until my tiny brain catches up. #ISwearImNotStupidJustLazy. So if ANYONE has any advice on how to do this, PLEASE SHARE! Thank you in advance!

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Confession #2: I want to blow up the billing department at my OBGYN’s office. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my OB. They delivered my daughter 2 months early and did an amazing job, they are some of the best doctors around . . . but their billing lady – lets call her Pam – (no seriously, that’s her real name), is a lonely old hag who clearly owns a lot of cats. Pam can’t keep track of anything. When I ask her to pull up any charges in my account more than 3 months prior (mind you, us ladies only visit the OB once a year) she refuses. Not to mention she has sent things to collections now 3 times that were already paid, mailed bills to an incorrect address for the past decade and then has the audacity to make a comment about how she “doesn’t know how anyone could go into collections for a mere $77.” Well lets see lady, I don’t either because that shit was paid, in full, 4 years ago. Stop brushing your cats and file my paperwork dammit! Now lets imagine if she had said that to 20-year-old Chelsea. Oh would the F-bombs be flying, because back then, I probably would have let $77 go into collections. I was flat broke in college. #WerentWeAll? Either way I thought it was incredibly rude and degrading, especially to someone who maybe couldn’t have afforded $77. Yes, I can now, but I’m sure there are plenty of people on this planet that could do a lot more with $77 then pay Pam’s incorrectly filed bullshit. The fact that she made the statement on her own error made her sound all the more ignorant. I gave her a piece of my mind and then promised to bury her cats alive. #ButSeriously, If it wasn’t for my lady parts requiring top-notch service, I would have 100% left this place by now.

Above: See Pam’s Starter Kit. . . Ordered roughly 9 years ago when she stopped giving a damn about her job and started billing shit incredibly wrong.

Confession #3: I haven’t had a day off since last Thursday and I can feel myself physically dying. #OkThatsALie. But honestly, I’m totally exhausted. The collaborative efforts of both Daylight Savings Time and working The Novi Golf Expo 30 hours this weekend have clearly contributed to my cranky demeanor, lack of personal time and what’s that called? Sleep. I don’t bode will with light rest. #Trust. Another Confession, I love me some GrumpyCat MeMe’s but hate cats. This one is perfect:

Confession #4: Speaking of Grumpy Cat, I thought that Meme was pronounced ME-ME. For forever. I work in social media. My friend that worked at Youtube finally called me out this past summer. F-Off everyone who’s laughing at me. . . #Embarrassing.

Confession #5: I ran a Giveaway this week. I screwed that shit ALL up. I also only have like 11 entries and it ends at midnight of the 17th. If you want to check it out feel free, but seriously just try not to make fun. It’s my first attempt at this and apparently WordPress and Rafflecopter are sworn enemies. . . I’m not even sure. Honestly, I think WordPress can just be a little bitch sometimes. . . I recently was informed that when I reply to your lovely blog comments with WP, it doesn’t inform you that I replied. What. The. Hell. #IGiveUp. Anyhow, if you want to try and win a FREE Print on me, #IHeardYourChancesArePrettyGood. . . . here’s the Entry Form:

Twine With A Twist’s Busted Ass Rafflecopter Giveaway

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Confession #6: I hate Cheese. Like, all kinds. Sorry Amanda, I had to confess after reading your cheese filled blog today. But to all of those that love it, I support you. I completely accept that I’m the “exception”. . . ya’ll cheese gobblers are the “rule”.

If you want to get in on the madness, hop on over to Vodka and Soda and link-up with Kathy for some confessions. . .

or jump on in with Liz from Fitness Blondie’s Hump Day Blog Hop!

Happy Humpin! #TGIW 

Cheers, 

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